Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness...

I love fall. Absolutely love it. I love cloudy, breezy, crisp days. I love swirling leaves scattered across the sidewalk and making the grass more interesting. The sky somehow changes, too, and the blue is different than it was during the summer. It's fantastic.

I realized when I was walking my dog today that I feel more at leisure to enjoy the weather. While the end of summer/leaves changing colors in Maple Grove isn't nearly as pretty as up in Collegeville, I'm (sadly) much less busy, so things like dog walks are times in which I can sit back (minus the fact that I am walking) and enjoy the weather, instead of noting it as I quickly dash off to class or work or something. I still miss campus life quite a lot, but today was just a nice reminder that things aren't so bad on this side of the diploma.

Speaking of, I'm still looking for a job...I could apply for a 'Research Assistant' position at the MHS library, but it's super part time, kinda far away, and not exactly what I want. But, I would be there, at least, perhaps regularly seeing people who work in fields more directly related to what I want to do. It's hard, though...is it worth it? I'd be narrowing my availability at Byerly's (where I'm only getting scheduled 15 hours/week, in spite of being available during the entirety of store hours...so would it really make that big of a difference?), but I really don't want to let potential opportunities pass just to please my job since junior high. Yes, there's a sort of security there, but at the same time, it's nearly not sustaining me financially (since I only get those 15 hours, unless I pick up other shifts, which I have done quite a lot). I did apply for an 'Exhibit Props Specialist' position at the Minnesota Children's Museum, but I have not yet heard back from them. I will contact them next week. I think that might have been a part-time position as well, so...I guess it wouldn't hurt to apply for the library job...but it's just not quite the stepping stone I want it to be, you know? It's a lot to ponder. They need to give more time between announcing jobs and the application deadline!

In completely unrelatedness, I LOVE THE MINNESOTA RENAISSANCE FESTIVAL. If you didn't already know that, however, you really don't know me very well. I LIVE for weekends mid-August through the end of September (or beginning of October, as it happens to be this year). So far, I've gone twice and am planning on going again at least once more. If I do indeed go twice more, I will have been there every other weekend of its 2009 run. I like that. :) This year, I purchased a new bodice and a peasant top to go underneath. I also bought some jewelry and a pottery goblet. I also bought a leather purse/belt (kind of the medieval version of a fanny pack...only...way cooler?) so I'm not carrying a shoulder bag anymore (because it hurt my shoulder--I tend to pull down on the bag--and because it was not period enough for my ensemble). I wish I could live there. Except it's so dusty.

Anyway...I think I'll clean my room a little before heading to work at 4:30. Cheers!

Starry-Eyed and Vaguely Discontented

Okay, this whole "back to school" thing is really getting to me! I see it everywhere--at stores, in magazines, on Facebook...people are heading back to school. I, alas, am not. My four years at CSB/SJU were absolutely amazing. They were difficult, fun, heartbreaking, and life-changing. I met the most wonderful people, many of whom I will never see again. I grew in ways I never would have foreseen (me?! Lead songs?! By myself?!). I learned so much, not just in classes, but about other people, about myself, and about the world. That's what college is for, yes? So, why does the experience have to stop after four years? (Because financial aid only lasts four years.) I'm truly jealous of the students who get to go back.

When I graduated from high school, I was so ready to get out. I was way more mature than the sophomores who thought they were God's gifts to the world, I was psyched about going to St. Ben's. Now...the future's not bleak, but it feels that way sometimes. The trip to Europe was fantastic, and I miss it a lot. I've been trying to arrange my life right now in a way that makes me happy, but I am cursed to dwell on the past (history major). I remember late-night roommate chats. I remember being in the presence of truly gifted people, shaping and sharing their gifts. I remember feeling independent and confident. College was just this awesome bubble that challenged me without making me feel abandoned. Real life was kept at bay by things like papers and finals and honors theses. I know that many people look back on college as the best years of their lives, and I can understand from where they're coming. I don't want to always look back. I want to look forward. I want to look at right now and be happy with where I am, who I am, and what's happening. I know I'll get there eventually, but I thought maybe I would have gotten there by now. But right now my life is just a cycle of frantically trying to scrape up as many hours at Byerly's as possible and attempting to squeeze in fun to keep me sane. I'm trying to organize things at home so they have more of a sense of permanency, but I'm still looking for a way out.

One day at a time, I guess. Baby steps. But I still wish I were going back to campus.

Carbuncle of Gold

The title of this blog came to me last night upon my third viewing of "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince." They were the only words I could make out inscribed on the walls of the Potions classroom. My first thought was that Cap'n Jack Sparrow called Bootstrap Bill Turner a "carbuncle" in "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest." Then I thought a carbuncle of gold must be really odd...but then I realized there are different definitions to the word. Sparrow's meaning was a pus-filled sore (since Turner was covered in barnacles and such), but the Potter-esque carbuncle refers to the gemstone. This makes much more sense, since a "carbuncle of gold" kind of refers to alchemy, so it's fitting to find it in a Potions classroom, yes? I wish I could read the other words; maybe they're from some sort of alchemic text. That'd be neat.

This is what happens when I see movies multiple times. I'm still wondering what Mary Bennet is reading out loud in "Pride & Prejudice" (Keira Knightley version). I've Googled it without success. It goes as follows:
"...must be free from all insincerity. She only can address herself effectually to the feelings of others whose mind glows with the warmth of sensibility and whose arguments result from conviction. She must feel the influence of those passions and emotions which she wishes to inspire..."
To me, it sounds like some sort of instruction book for young ladies, but for a brief moment, upon hearing the word "sensibility," I thought it would be greatly amusing if she were reading aloud from Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility. But when I Google the lines, I get the movie's script. *Facepalm* Hahahaha.

Anyway, I really wish I could keep having days full of fun and spending money without having to work to earn the money I'm spending. But then again, if I didn't have to work, I think I'd get really bored, in addition to being poor. But sometimes I just want to veg, but I also want to get lots done, and I don't have the time to do both! Oh well.

Johns Hopkins Masters Program in Museum Studies online?

I really want to see "Funny People." And the tv show "Modern Family" looks really funny.

A sense of dissatisfaction and hope

Well, I have joined the blogging community...How I wish I had marvelous adventures upon which to report, like so many of my fellow CSBSJU '09 graduates...Alas, I am stuck in suburbia, wondering what to do next.

Don't get me wrong. It's nice to be home, it's semi-nice to be back at Byerly's...But I really want to do something different with my life. I mean, I'm looking forward to a bunch of small fun events that are in the near future (HP6 midnight show, Public Enemies, Ren Fest starts soon...), but I would love to start a new chapter in my life. As of now, that chapter is unseen.

Grad school? Someday. Where? No idea.
Job? Hopefully. Where? No idea. Grand Portage? For 6 months? By myself? Really? Can I do it? Do I want to? I'm just not as willing to uproot myself and let the wind take me through some open door of opportunity as I need to be, I guess. Dwight Pitcaithley would be disappointed. Don't tell him.

Europe seems like it was forever ago. I remember going, but I don't feel as if I actually went. Does that make sense? I loved it so much, but I was ready to come home, as well. Now, I'm wishing we were still there, in some capacity or another. I think it's because it was three weeks of not working and spending money like crazy, while traveling around to amazing places and seeing things in person that I had only ever heard about or read about or seen via some form of media. It was an amazing trip. I felt more changed right when we got back...Now I feel like the same old Leah.

I need something different to keep me going. I was singing at Church, but that might not be the case anymore...(Budget cuts mean no pianist...no pianist means no singer, apparently.) I want to do Cross Community Players, but they only have two productions a year. We'll see how that one goes.

Oh well. For now, I'm looking forward to those little things, since they are what's getting me through right now. Hopefully someday soon, something will fall into place and things will make more sense and give me a little bit of purpose.